Yes, it's been since 2013 that I even stop by this blogspot. Thankfully I didn't aim to be a blogger as a part time career as looking at this blog, it's filled with dust and moss. Haha :).
So, what have happened since 2013. I would say some MASSIVE stuffs happened.
Throughout 2013 to 2016, I was working pretty much working with CFS, moved into more senior team and experienced some good experiences and made life long friends and also because of bad boss and felt being stagnant at my work that I finally threw my resignation in November 2016. That was the end of 5 and half years working for CFS. I'm thankful I've learnt so much from great mentors and bosses, made really great friends that I can say I'm glad I am still in touch with them. I'm also thankful to those not so good bosses that make me realised what kind of leader I wouldn't want to become.
With that resignation I head home back for Malaysia to work back with family. When people asked me (up to today I still get the same question) why I came back, there were a few factors that lead me to it. One: I've been pretty stagnant with my job, unhappy with it and unsure where to go next. Two: It's been 12 years away from home, I do miss home. In Sydney, I come back to 4 walls and a little lonely. Three: After consulting my Dad, I realised he needed help with the business and so why not come back and assist him. Four: With no commitment/partner/family in Sydney, I can make the move a little easier.
It's been a year now. I would say both personal life and work life is kinda mashed up as one and very challenging indeed. With family, I feel my life is used up a little more fulfilled with family affairs and relatives. Though this year, I did lost my dear aunt to heart conditions, I was glad I was home that first few months to spend sometime with her. I'm also glad that I am available for my cousin who is also going through some health issues as well. At the very least I feel I am physically around to support my family in all the matters rather than before I only hear it from my parents and can't do much to help.
Work wise, I'm assisting my dad in his business and of cause being the different culture from Australia, I am not used to it. But throughout the year being in the business, I'm slowly holding the grips of it but long way more to being the target of both me and Dad hope. Many obstacles, one being culture of the people, one being traditional processes and also not to forget the hardest one is my Mother being in the company, one of the most traditional person, where we call these people old school business people. I shall keep this aside in case she reads this. :)
Friends, the Jenny that knows everyone, don't really know everyone in Malaysia... hehe.. so less social activities somehow. It sounds sad but not really. I guess when everyone have different commitments around families, every meet up or gatherings seems more worthwhile. I did reunited with a few primary school friends and highschool friends, so much to talk about our good old days. Being 33 this year, I am in the minority group of single people around. I am also not meeting any potentials as I am also not going out more and meeting any new people. So, where am I going to meet HIM? Well, I am feeling ok but pressure is definitely coming from my mum and friends. :) For the timebeing, just enjoy every moment I guess. I believe the one up there prepared a perfect GUY for me.
Not to forget, I finally set up The Sparkle Studio, a platform for my wedding planning business. It's been rather slow smooth sailing where I have some plans in mind for the year 2018 to see if we can move one gear up. I am thankful I got some jobs referred by friends and also my dear god bro who got married in Nov too for entrusting me. I also am grateful for the experiences given by some other wedding planner friends, good or bad, I managed to learn a lot. Not to forget some of my friends who are with me in the journey and also some new friends I meet in the industry. May we get to work more together in coming years.
I guess that's it for now. It's rather short and sweet update to cover 4 years of coverage. I'll be back with my 2018 resolutions. see ya laterzzz
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Friday, March 8, 2013
Another annual update...
I realised I blog lesser since I start working. This blog is completely deserted and I felt sorry. However, I used to blog more when I'm unhappy, unsettled and unsatisfied with life. I do blog about happy occasion but it usually is not as long as those sad ones.
So does this mean, lesser unhappy events happening to me? Or am I just too busy to update my life to the world. My answer: I'm grateful with what I have now that make me have lesser time to rant about. Yes life is still filled with drama but at least I can say I am on an decent fruitful journey.
So since my last post last year, I am still working with CFS, pretty proud of my own achievement so far and I now need to think of my next move. Since I understand the company better, I've keep changing my mind about what I want to next, what is suitable to me and what is my decision. I am still pretty undecided but sometimes timing is very important. For now, I'm glad I'm getting the experience I wanted and keep challenging myself with new goals. So let's wait and see where the light lead me to. :)
As for life, it's pretty stagnant, it's all about work on week days and then weekends I will look for plans. Sometimes I hang out with the boys and sometimes with different other groups. I'm starting to feel it's all about work and nothing else and yet the time pass like lightning. It's my 8th year in Sydney and am I sick of it yet? I guess when u are stagnant for a while...You hope for some changes.
I have been ask this question a lot last CNY: are you ever coming back? My answer is YES, time is soon. However my soon can be subjective. I've set a realistic time after talking to my wise dad, however I could decide to change it whenever I want as one cannot predict what will happen tomorrow. So from now till then, I shall do what I aim to achieve and if I leave then, I leave with achievements I am proud of and with no regrets.
Now what else? I'm still doing CPA, in hope I'm finishing in my planned time, though my brain is pretty tired of accounting but I know it's for my own good. The other thing I'm aiming to do is a event course whether as focused to wedding or special events or not.. I really want to get a certification on it , or else I know I will regret it. Whoever know of one, let me know pretty please.
My cupcake business is still surviving though my partner was away for a bit, I knew I can still handle it like I always do. I take everything like this as a challenge, and if I am able to work it well, I'm a happy girl. Good thing is every time someone praise my little creations, my heart tinkles with joy.
Family: Mum and Dad are at their normal life's, with occasion dramas and my bro finally graduated end of last year. Now, time to buck my brother up a bit in his decision about his next step. So, baby brother, I am so proud u graduated and now , decision time!!!! Life is difficult as we need to make decisions on our life's but if not, we will be robots or one of your Lego figures. I know you can do whatever you want if you want to.
Other than work, family, lifestyle and studies, my love life seems pretty empty. Mr Right is not around yet or maybe have not even hinted me enough. :( When I see couples around me in drama situations, I wish I can go to them and say, cherish each other as you have each other. I don't even have someone to share the moment with. Haizzz..
Recently, I have a friend who is having troubles with her husband. I feel disappointed when I know the stories from both side, both is at fault and when both did agree to give it another chance to rekindle, from my angle it looks like only one side is being blamed and that same side is at the usual scene of giving in and trying to make things work, when the other side, claimed to give it a chance, but keep putting blame on the other , pulling out the flaws and imperfections. I feel sad as I witnessed their beautiful union and I really hope it's not a bad conclusion. I believe when two become one, we shouldn't calculate how much one give in and how much one take, it should be infinity, uncountable. No one is indeed perfect in everything, don't expect your other half to be those character on the movies that we all adore and wished our other halves can be, as they can't. They are who they are and for any change, that person must be willing to change. I believe I was taught this phrase,' For Things to Change, I Must Change First'. And I would just add on to the line, ' and then he/she will be willing to change too.'
I remember one of Yasmin advertisements about when a wife was giving a speech about her late husband, she said she cannot remember the perfections of him but it's his imperfections that make her remember how she love him for his flaws. To the dear friend if you are reading this, sit down and talk to yourself, ask yourself why did u say Yes to his proposal before?, what is all about making others happy or was is just everyone is expecting it to happen? Did u not love him to know he will be the one?
After the last 2 paragraph, some might think I might have been thru so much in life to understand things so well. In actual case, I'm just a typical single girl who seems to see too much dramas around me and then to be not as blind especially I'm not in those drama. I'm glad I'm told I am usually a rational one but to help any friends... I am just a good listener and may give decent advice but for things to work or change, the person need to work on it. I believe if I faced those problems in life, I would have my lost moments. But one just need to remember when a door is close, there is always a window open somewhere. So be optimistic and believe in things, then you would be able to walk towards the window, or else you would always be in the dark, doubting yourself. I am glad when my mum quoted me when she talk to my brother, saying you should be like your sister, be optimistic and happy go lucky abit. :)
Ok, long post.. I promise I should come and write soon.. Ciao...
So does this mean, lesser unhappy events happening to me? Or am I just too busy to update my life to the world. My answer: I'm grateful with what I have now that make me have lesser time to rant about. Yes life is still filled with drama but at least I can say I am on an decent fruitful journey.
So since my last post last year, I am still working with CFS, pretty proud of my own achievement so far and I now need to think of my next move. Since I understand the company better, I've keep changing my mind about what I want to next, what is suitable to me and what is my decision. I am still pretty undecided but sometimes timing is very important. For now, I'm glad I'm getting the experience I wanted and keep challenging myself with new goals. So let's wait and see where the light lead me to. :)
As for life, it's pretty stagnant, it's all about work on week days and then weekends I will look for plans. Sometimes I hang out with the boys and sometimes with different other groups. I'm starting to feel it's all about work and nothing else and yet the time pass like lightning. It's my 8th year in Sydney and am I sick of it yet? I guess when u are stagnant for a while...You hope for some changes.
I have been ask this question a lot last CNY: are you ever coming back? My answer is YES, time is soon. However my soon can be subjective. I've set a realistic time after talking to my wise dad, however I could decide to change it whenever I want as one cannot predict what will happen tomorrow. So from now till then, I shall do what I aim to achieve and if I leave then, I leave with achievements I am proud of and with no regrets.
Now what else? I'm still doing CPA, in hope I'm finishing in my planned time, though my brain is pretty tired of accounting but I know it's for my own good. The other thing I'm aiming to do is a event course whether as focused to wedding or special events or not.. I really want to get a certification on it , or else I know I will regret it. Whoever know of one, let me know pretty please.
My cupcake business is still surviving though my partner was away for a bit, I knew I can still handle it like I always do. I take everything like this as a challenge, and if I am able to work it well, I'm a happy girl. Good thing is every time someone praise my little creations, my heart tinkles with joy.
Family: Mum and Dad are at their normal life's, with occasion dramas and my bro finally graduated end of last year. Now, time to buck my brother up a bit in his decision about his next step. So, baby brother, I am so proud u graduated and now , decision time!!!! Life is difficult as we need to make decisions on our life's but if not, we will be robots or one of your Lego figures. I know you can do whatever you want if you want to.
Other than work, family, lifestyle and studies, my love life seems pretty empty. Mr Right is not around yet or maybe have not even hinted me enough. :( When I see couples around me in drama situations, I wish I can go to them and say, cherish each other as you have each other. I don't even have someone to share the moment with. Haizzz..
Recently, I have a friend who is having troubles with her husband. I feel disappointed when I know the stories from both side, both is at fault and when both did agree to give it another chance to rekindle, from my angle it looks like only one side is being blamed and that same side is at the usual scene of giving in and trying to make things work, when the other side, claimed to give it a chance, but keep putting blame on the other , pulling out the flaws and imperfections. I feel sad as I witnessed their beautiful union and I really hope it's not a bad conclusion. I believe when two become one, we shouldn't calculate how much one give in and how much one take, it should be infinity, uncountable. No one is indeed perfect in everything, don't expect your other half to be those character on the movies that we all adore and wished our other halves can be, as they can't. They are who they are and for any change, that person must be willing to change. I believe I was taught this phrase,' For Things to Change, I Must Change First'. And I would just add on to the line, ' and then he/she will be willing to change too.'
I remember one of Yasmin advertisements about when a wife was giving a speech about her late husband, she said she cannot remember the perfections of him but it's his imperfections that make her remember how she love him for his flaws. To the dear friend if you are reading this, sit down and talk to yourself, ask yourself why did u say Yes to his proposal before?, what is all about making others happy or was is just everyone is expecting it to happen? Did u not love him to know he will be the one?
After the last 2 paragraph, some might think I might have been thru so much in life to understand things so well. In actual case, I'm just a typical single girl who seems to see too much dramas around me and then to be not as blind especially I'm not in those drama. I'm glad I'm told I am usually a rational one but to help any friends... I am just a good listener and may give decent advice but for things to work or change, the person need to work on it. I believe if I faced those problems in life, I would have my lost moments. But one just need to remember when a door is close, there is always a window open somewhere. So be optimistic and believe in things, then you would be able to walk towards the window, or else you would always be in the dark, doubting yourself. I am glad when my mum quoted me when she talk to my brother, saying you should be like your sister, be optimistic and happy go lucky abit. :)
Ok, long post.. I promise I should come and write soon.. Ciao...
Saturday, June 2, 2012
the moment of thoughts...
It's been 6 months since I last blogged. I have to say time flies, just like that. Day in , day out, the routine was to work and home and next day work again. And now, it's six months after, I'm writing on the second day of Winter in OZ.
So what have I been doing? Work wise, I believe I'm at my peak, learning what I need to learn and actively trying to work better and show my capabilities. In such a big company, I have to work double or triple as hard to show I can do better. So, I have to say, putting myself out there and actively taking up roles and opportunities given is my best attributes. I'm not proving to anyone, but for a 27 (turning 28) year old lady, I have to be ahead of the rat race and prove I am something. It's more of proving myself the point. I'm not sure if anyone from work read my blog (I hope not! :P). If they do, I guess it's for them to understand me better. If they don't, all good. :)
Life in Sydney? I have been asked this a zillion times, am i staying here for good? I had plans to head back to Malaysia for good but I would also want to maintain my PR. And for now, work have been good to me, so I shall give it a few more years here and hopefully with all the experience, if I were to head back to Malaysia, I got something to bring back with me. :)
I have to say every time anyone ask me that question, I would jokingly say, " If I can't find a husband here, I shall go back and find then." It's not possible. I am still single and patiently waiting for the MR RIGHT to jump right in front of me. But unfortunately, I believe I haven't found that guy. Just the other day I was just chatting with a guy friend (one of my best friend's boyfriend) and I did mention I am a guy's best friend. He immediately said, "with your personality, yes.. u are indeed guys' best friend." I know I tend to be guys' best friend as I knows what guys think, to the point I sometimes cannot make up my mind whether is the guy's wrong or the girl's wrong. But I believe I'm always rational enough to be a good listener and give proper advice. That is also my best attribute being Jenny Tan!!! I was advised to be patient and that guy up there have plans for me. So, I shall patiently wait. :)
So, what's next?
Coming month towards end of June, work would be busy as it's heading towards end of financial year in Australia and I'm expecting less sleep. However I've set myself a challenge in this 5 weeks before my trip back to Malaysia in July. Eating super healthy, sleeping well, workout daily and let's see what happen then.
Yes, I'm heading back to Malaysia in July. Thanks to the management for allowing me the time off as it was supposed to be block out period where no one is allowed to go on holidays. But this is not normal holiday. I'm heading back for a 3 days long prayers for my grandma and the ancestors. Grandma had left us since 2010 and now, we are to do a prayers for her anniversary following the Hokkien tradition. I will be back a short one week plus for that occasion.
I am heading back to Malaysia again in September, this time for 2 weddings and possibly a trip in between to somewhere in South East Asia. I'm back for one of my best friend, Wei Teing's wedding, marrying Gan. As a promise made in 2005, we promise to be there for each other's wedding. :) So, I'm glad and honored to be back for it. My cousin, David also decided to tie the knot with his fiance Joline 2 weeks later in Singapore and I've extended my trip just for that. Thanks for entrusting me to do the styling for certain things. :)
Talking about weddings, there are like so many this year that I am truly sorry to those in Malaysia that I cannot come back to every wedding. Sorry to Zek, Jocelyn and Yenn. You know if Australia is as near as Singapore to Malaysia, I would come back. Then in November, Junda & Sharon's wedding, December, if I'm going back, Cousin Joseph is tying the knot too. AL these add pressure to my life.. haizzz...but well I'm happy for them.
For now.. that's all I can update and rant about.. hopefully I'll blog soon..
So what have I been doing? Work wise, I believe I'm at my peak, learning what I need to learn and actively trying to work better and show my capabilities. In such a big company, I have to work double or triple as hard to show I can do better. So, I have to say, putting myself out there and actively taking up roles and opportunities given is my best attributes. I'm not proving to anyone, but for a 27 (turning 28) year old lady, I have to be ahead of the rat race and prove I am something. It's more of proving myself the point. I'm not sure if anyone from work read my blog (I hope not! :P). If they do, I guess it's for them to understand me better. If they don't, all good. :)
Life in Sydney? I have been asked this a zillion times, am i staying here for good? I had plans to head back to Malaysia for good but I would also want to maintain my PR. And for now, work have been good to me, so I shall give it a few more years here and hopefully with all the experience, if I were to head back to Malaysia, I got something to bring back with me. :)
I have to say every time anyone ask me that question, I would jokingly say, " If I can't find a husband here, I shall go back and find then." It's not possible. I am still single and patiently waiting for the MR RIGHT to jump right in front of me. But unfortunately, I believe I haven't found that guy. Just the other day I was just chatting with a guy friend (one of my best friend's boyfriend) and I did mention I am a guy's best friend. He immediately said, "with your personality, yes.. u are indeed guys' best friend." I know I tend to be guys' best friend as I knows what guys think, to the point I sometimes cannot make up my mind whether is the guy's wrong or the girl's wrong. But I believe I'm always rational enough to be a good listener and give proper advice. That is also my best attribute being Jenny Tan!!! I was advised to be patient and that guy up there have plans for me. So, I shall patiently wait. :)
So, what's next?
Coming month towards end of June, work would be busy as it's heading towards end of financial year in Australia and I'm expecting less sleep. However I've set myself a challenge in this 5 weeks before my trip back to Malaysia in July. Eating super healthy, sleeping well, workout daily and let's see what happen then.
Yes, I'm heading back to Malaysia in July. Thanks to the management for allowing me the time off as it was supposed to be block out period where no one is allowed to go on holidays. But this is not normal holiday. I'm heading back for a 3 days long prayers for my grandma and the ancestors. Grandma had left us since 2010 and now, we are to do a prayers for her anniversary following the Hokkien tradition. I will be back a short one week plus for that occasion.
I am heading back to Malaysia again in September, this time for 2 weddings and possibly a trip in between to somewhere in South East Asia. I'm back for one of my best friend, Wei Teing's wedding, marrying Gan. As a promise made in 2005, we promise to be there for each other's wedding. :) So, I'm glad and honored to be back for it. My cousin, David also decided to tie the knot with his fiance Joline 2 weeks later in Singapore and I've extended my trip just for that. Thanks for entrusting me to do the styling for certain things. :)
Talking about weddings, there are like so many this year that I am truly sorry to those in Malaysia that I cannot come back to every wedding. Sorry to Zek, Jocelyn and Yenn. You know if Australia is as near as Singapore to Malaysia, I would come back. Then in November, Junda & Sharon's wedding, December, if I'm going back, Cousin Joseph is tying the knot too. AL these add pressure to my life.. haizzz...but well I'm happy for them.
For now.. that's all I can update and rant about.. hopefully I'll blog soon..
Saturday, December 31, 2011
at the junction of 2011 and 2012..
I realised I didn't touch this blog since April. Since April, too many things happened and now that we are hitting the end of 2011, let me quickly highlight some of the happenings of my life since then that I think I can conclude that 2011 was good and fulfilling.
First, a brief photo montage of my Europe Trip beginning of the year.
After that trip and my stay back home in Malaysia, it was the journey of job searching. And I was so lucky that I got a job and started my journey with Colonial First State as a Financial Service Administrator on April 18, 2011.
From then, life was about work and settling down with it well. I've learnt so much from different people in the company and I'm truly glad to be where I am. I'm glad to even made great friends besides working with one of my bestie in the same company. Thanks to her hubby for referring me the job. I still owe him one. :)
In August, I followed my parents on a trip back to the roots, China where I discover the history. A trip of 12 people, I flew to China via Singapore and went for the trip that I believe was meaningful. We revisited the ancestral house and the place where my great grandparents were laid to rest. There were so much to discover from traditional looking furniture to the relatives who are staying there. One interesting fact, I'm the only female of generation of my family. High pressure! The culture and food is the other thing that enlighten me. :)
After the trip, I was in Singapore and Malaysia for a short trip before heading back to Sydney. I managed to catch up with family and friends. I managed to see Calvin & Moon's baby Ainsley and that girl is a tough girl.. just like her mummy. :)
Back to Sydney it was work, CPA exams and my one of my besties wedding of her life that is keeping me busy. Work is still great and challenging. I experienced my first company Xmas party, that was awesome!! CPA? I failed the first semester of the year but managed to pass the 2nd semester. Thank god!!
My bestie's wedding? Turned out great and I think it's telling me that I might have prospect in this wedding planning line. :) Who knows..
And as I'm writing now, I am trying to finish this short recap before the clock hit 12 to welcome 2012 in my new Melbourne home (my brother's place) which I'm sure would welcome me to Melbourne more. I am grateful for whatever happened in 2011 and I sincerely hope that 2012 would be a better year for everyone. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR and WELCOME 2012!! :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
it's been awhile.. 4th month in 2011
I just realised I have left this blog empty and untouched since September last year. And, I forgot to shout Happy Birthday on that post to my lovely mum. I was writing that post, while I was in Melbourne visiting my bro while my parents were there. It's been a great family trip all together.
Previous blog post was quite emo. I am still missing my dearest grandma but I know she is in a better place. She will always remain in my heart, that will never change.
So, what have I been doing since then? I have been working in the same place but I was back and forth to Malaysia so many times. Once in November for prayers for my grandma and another time in conjunction of a family / work trip to Europe in January/ February and stayed for Chinese New Year. Yes, it was a long break.
Before the Europe trip, I was back in time for my grandpa's prayers too. My grandpa's burial place is kinda old and cracking and so, the family decided to rebuild it. So, I managed to go back to Kuala Pilah, my dad's hometown this time to take a look. It's been close to 6 years since I was back for Cheng Meng. What a big difference to my grandpa's place. It was big and spacious in comparison to my grandma's place. This is the difference between two different place and different times. 40 odd years ago, the hills are not as commercialised and yet the land is big. Now, commercialised memorial places is limited to that piece of land you buy. Anyway, it was a good reunion as our relatives of my granduncle were around and went to my grandma's place to pay her respect on the way back to KL.
I'll do another post particularly for the Europe Trip. In short, it was fulfilling despite being working partially.
I was back in time for CNY but well, not celebrating it as we were mourning for 3 years (according to the Hokkien traditions), things were a lot easier on my mum. So, we just chilled at home and still went back to my mum's hometown, Raub as we were celebrating Uncle Yap Ah Loy's 61st Birthday. I baked some lemon cupcakes as his cake and glad that everyone loved it.
My best achievement was during my stay, my dad suggested that we walked out from our place to the city centre to eat breakfast. I initially thought, "Are you sure, dad? " In disbelief and doubt of whether I can last the walk, I still followed my dad to take the challenge. For a person like me who participated City2Surf of 14km, you guys out there would think, I shouldn't have any problem. But walking in Malaysia, it's totally different. I would actually sweat more and what is more challenging is that the roads in Raub do not have pedestrian paths. You have to beware of cars and uneven roads. Dad did some calculating before, our journey would be about 2km +/-. I usually can do it if we were at our housing area in Bukit Rimau with not much traffic.
Anyway, I did it and enjoyed fantasic nasi lemak and roti canai with dad at Ratha, the famous mamak in town. Trust me the curry is different. We packed some food back for our family and relatives and they were amazed when we said we walked out and walked back. :)
Anyway, the rest of the days in Malaysia was either spent with family and relatives or with my friends in Malaysia. I had so many different gathering with all of them and was happy to have spent time with them. I practically changed and postponed my flight back just to spend more time and it was kinda a bad choice to do it as the stay gets longer, the more reluctant I want to come back to Sydney. Good news, my favourite niece is more adorable and close to me than ever and the baby nephew is so cute!! :)
As I was leaving back to Sydney, I got another great news from Derek that his baby boy Cayden is out in the world. :) I can't wait to go back to see him. :)
Since I came back to Sydney, I decided to move on from what I was supposed to do. Now, it's either I land myself a job soon or I would wait for my opportunity with my dad's side. This coming week is going to be so hectic as I am studying for my CPA before my exam in a month's time and I got an interview which I hope I would fare well. Bless me please....
That's all for now..:)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
and it changes my life...
It's been about 3 months since I wrote anything. I wanted to update this blog in July after my birthday but have been procrastinating. Yes I turned 26 and is very much looking forward to really push myself to work my dreams, work my ways towards things. Just as I was in the gear, my life when to a big pause.
It all happened with a phone call from Mum at about 4.30am Aussie time, that woke me up. I remember I was so tired from work and I dozed off, sleeping early, forgotten to switch off the lights to sleep. Then, I was waken up by a call. When I was about to pick it up, it turned into a miss call from an unknown caller. I suspected it could be someone from home, so I sms-ed my mum, " Mum, did you call me?" Then the phone rang again, in a crying voice, Mum said, " Inn, Ah Ma left already." In the midst of half-awake mode, I immediately broke into tears, in disbelief. Mum continued to ask me to arrange my way back home while my tears keep flowing down my cheek and when we hang up, I cried. I still had to contain myself to call my bro and cousins in Melb to send the bad news and arrange for all of us to rush back home. That morning onwards, my whole heart just sunk.
My dearest grandma left us on 27th August 2010 at 2pm, Malaysian Time at Pantai Cheras Hospital. She was admitted to the hospital on the 8th August 2010 and had been having ups and downs conditions that make it so unpredictable that she would leave us. I had instinct that I should have been back but I didn't make that move. I was waiting for my parents to tell me either she's getting better or come back now to see her but, I did not get to say my last goodbye..
When I walked in to her funeral parlour, seeing her in her casket, I cannot believe that the last time I saw her was my last time. I still could remember that I came back for my friend's wedding and made time to go and visit her as often as I could. She would make sure Suthi, the maid cook my favourite meehoon soup for me. She would chat with me about everything from getting a boyfriend to where I want to travel. She would hold my hands and tell me about her old stories of when she first came to Malaya and all. And now, she is lying peacefully and I will never get to hear her speak again.
Throughout the funeral ceremony and prayers, flashbacks of her keep replaying in my head, I keep hearing her call my name. Every time I think of her, my tears starts rolling down my cheek. The once very strong girl that never really break down in front of others, actually was very weak at this very same time. I keep going to the casket to see her face and I wanted to talk to her, want her to respond to me but I know she's gone for good.
The hardest part was when they are closing the casket, the point that you know you would not see her face, body and the whole of her as a person anymore. I witnessed even my dad, teared as I believe it is hard to accept that his mum is leaving him forever too.
It's been 3 weeks since she left and every time anyone mentioned about her, I would sit there silently again. On the 7th day after her death, as Chinese believed that her spirit would return to visit, I was hoping she would appear in my dream. In fact, I think I felt her presence next to me just like how I used to sleep next to her when I was young.
After so much thoughts and chats with dad and mum, I realised that I have been the closest grandchildren to her. In fact, I think I was the only one she took care of for the longest time and the only one that she caned before. I was the only one that seen her cry as she talked about her difficult times.
So, in her remembrance, I would gather all her stories together and hopefully able to tell her stories to my children. I would always remember her and will always look up to her as my role model for life.
Ah Ma, I really missed you and I will love you forever. May you rest in peace and is happily with Grandpa now.
It all happened with a phone call from Mum at about 4.30am Aussie time, that woke me up. I remember I was so tired from work and I dozed off, sleeping early, forgotten to switch off the lights to sleep. Then, I was waken up by a call. When I was about to pick it up, it turned into a miss call from an unknown caller. I suspected it could be someone from home, so I sms-ed my mum, " Mum, did you call me?" Then the phone rang again, in a crying voice, Mum said, " Inn, Ah Ma left already." In the midst of half-awake mode, I immediately broke into tears, in disbelief. Mum continued to ask me to arrange my way back home while my tears keep flowing down my cheek and when we hang up, I cried. I still had to contain myself to call my bro and cousins in Melb to send the bad news and arrange for all of us to rush back home. That morning onwards, my whole heart just sunk.
My dearest grandma left us on 27th August 2010 at 2pm, Malaysian Time at Pantai Cheras Hospital. She was admitted to the hospital on the 8th August 2010 and had been having ups and downs conditions that make it so unpredictable that she would leave us. I had instinct that I should have been back but I didn't make that move. I was waiting for my parents to tell me either she's getting better or come back now to see her but, I did not get to say my last goodbye..
When I walked in to her funeral parlour, seeing her in her casket, I cannot believe that the last time I saw her was my last time. I still could remember that I came back for my friend's wedding and made time to go and visit her as often as I could. She would make sure Suthi, the maid cook my favourite meehoon soup for me. She would chat with me about everything from getting a boyfriend to where I want to travel. She would hold my hands and tell me about her old stories of when she first came to Malaya and all. And now, she is lying peacefully and I will never get to hear her speak again.
Throughout the funeral ceremony and prayers, flashbacks of her keep replaying in my head, I keep hearing her call my name. Every time I think of her, my tears starts rolling down my cheek. The once very strong girl that never really break down in front of others, actually was very weak at this very same time. I keep going to the casket to see her face and I wanted to talk to her, want her to respond to me but I know she's gone for good.
The hardest part was when they are closing the casket, the point that you know you would not see her face, body and the whole of her as a person anymore. I witnessed even my dad, teared as I believe it is hard to accept that his mum is leaving him forever too.
It's been 3 weeks since she left and every time anyone mentioned about her, I would sit there silently again. On the 7th day after her death, as Chinese believed that her spirit would return to visit, I was hoping she would appear in my dream. In fact, I think I felt her presence next to me just like how I used to sleep next to her when I was young.
After so much thoughts and chats with dad and mum, I realised that I have been the closest grandchildren to her. In fact, I think I was the only one she took care of for the longest time and the only one that she caned before. I was the only one that seen her cry as she talked about her difficult times.
So, in her remembrance, I would gather all her stories together and hopefully able to tell her stories to my children. I would always remember her and will always look up to her as my role model for life.
Ah Ma, I really missed you and I will love you forever. May you rest in peace and is happily with Grandpa now.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Concert and Shows... anyone??
Yes... I heard AJ Rafael is coming to Sydney this August!! The Youtube music sensation is coming down under and I believe you would agree with me that he is really good with music. I like his music passion that I heard that he have the same passion as his father who was also a great musician too. 
So, who's with me?? Ticket is $35 presale and $45 at the door. :)
As I was surfing on Youtube.. I finally found the song I think I found the perfect wedding song for me. Haha. Love the song, Love the lyrics and this rendition by AJ Rafael and his mates, perfect.
AND.... I saw that BON JOVI is coming in December too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
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